Their decision or lack of thoughtfulness made me feel shame about my body.
So, I remember the very first garment I wanted to knit… and it was for myself, and I was excited about this adventure. Knitting this very first sweater was going to be so epic.
I remember this sweater so clearly. It was from an early Interweave Knits magazine. It was a top-down raglan cardigan without buttons or a button bands, with short sleeves, so perfect, right? I’d hype myself up for this. I’d read through the instructions like 10 times. I’d picked out the yarn I thought was perfect, and at the time, it was perfect. It was what I could afford for the quantity that if I messed up, it wouldn’t be too bad. I wouldn’t feel too bad. And that’s real! Anyways, I remember it was going to be a long holiday weekend coming up, so I psyched myself up because this was going to be good.
But, in all that studying I was doing of the pattern, I never paid attention to the sizes offered. I was so hung up on whether I could do it, whether I could actually knit this pattern, I never thought to see if I would be able to make it in my size. And that’s where the rubber really hit the road for this pattern. I had the pattern and yarn. I was a good knitter. I made a swatch, but I couldn’t find a size that fit me; my body.
This was disheartening because back then, I was smaller than I am today, but gurl, I had more body issues then and, this did not help. This lack of available sizes broke me and my self-confidence.
I felt awful like all this was my fault for being fat.
Like I wasn’t already beating myself up enough for being too fat to fit “standard” sizes. I didn’t know how to modify patterns to make them fit my massively ugly body (that’s how I felt, like a monster when patterns only go up to a 40” or 46” bust) or how to adjust my gauge. All I really knew was how to follow the instructions. I knew how to follow the experts, the designers, because they knew about sizing, even though they didn’t really cater to me and others like me.
That experience left a sour taste in my mouth for knitting and crocheting garments. I was sad for a very long time. It was a very long time before I even thought to try to knit a sweater again.
Eventually, I did knit a sweater after figuring out how to modify patterns, particularly for size. I was able to do this after studying a lot of patterns and through lots of trial and error, using hats and small accessories to figure out how to adjust patterns, any pattern, to get the fit I want. This was a powerful moment in my knitting and designing life. Figuring this out is what brought me back, or rather, expanded my love of knitting and crocheting.
Being able to bend the yarn to my will… Being able to see that the problem (back then) wasn’t my body, because it wasn’t and still isn’t. But that the pattern was the problem for not including a wide-enough range of sizes to accommodate even the average woman size, that was a powerful turning point.
Why am I sharing this personal and rather embarrassing story of being too fat for a pattern I wanted to make? Well, the truth is that I’m sharing this story because the problem wasn’t me. The problem still isn’t me, or you. The problem is with the pattern.
And that’s why I created the online course, Pattern Grading Made Easy (self-study), because I know you’ve experienced this too. You’ve been exactly where I was, wanting to make a fun pattern I saw but couldn’t because my size wasn’t included. I created this course because I know there are designers out there that care about creating size-inclusive patterns but don’t have the tools to make that happen.
Whether you’re a knitter, crocheter, or designer, Pattern Grading Made Easy (self-study) was created because I want you to understand grading and sizing. I want you, as the knitter and crocheter to find a pattern, any pattern, regardless of the sizes available and for you to be able to make it if you want. Even if your size is given, I want you to have the tools to be able to make it fit your body perfectly.
And if you’re a designer, I don’t want you to not be able to offer inclusive sizing. I want you to have the confidence to serve the community of all shape and size.
I get it, grading can be intimidating. But I’ve made it super simple with the easy to follow the framework. So, regardless of whether you’re following a pattern or creating from scratch, you have everything you need to make it fit. My goal is for you to never feel ashamed of your body, the body that’s supporting you even though some might deem it as not ideal. You are perfect just the way you are, and your knitting and crocheting should fit perfectly.
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